In the heart of Muscle Shoals, Alabama, a powerful tale of heartbreak and loyalty was forged by some of country music’s finest. It was 1975 when Earl Thomas Conley and his future record producer Nelson Larkin frequented Muscle Shoals, building friendships with local musicians including songwriter Tommy Brasfield. Despite their close ties, Brasfield kept his work private until 1983 when he boldly presented a song that would forever change Conley’s career: “Holding Her And Loving You.”
Penned alongside his songwriting partner Walt Aldridge, the song vividly tells the agonizing story of a man torn between love and commitment, inspired by a real friend’s painful emotional dilemma. According to Brasfield, the vivid, raw emotions that birthed the song stemmed from a heartfelt conversation imagining the torment of this man’s plight.
When Brasfield finally delivered the song’s demo to Nashville, Conley and Larkin were in turmoil. Their prior session had been a disaster. Plans to use Conley’s own band in the studio were shattered, replaced by session musicians following a fierce argument. Larkin was overwhelmed and unconvinced, reluctantly attending the session out of responsibility.
As Larkin prepared for the rough session ahead, Brasfield appeared in his office insisting on one last listen to a new track. Larkin begrudgingly played the tape and in the very first lines of “Holding Her And Loving You,” he sensed an undeniable hit. However, convincing Conley was a challenge. Arriving late, Larkin found Earl resistant to new material and focused on their scheduled songs.
Only after the routine recordings did Earl finally listen to the track—and three lines in, the magic cemented. In merely two takes, the musicians laid it down and Conley delivered the track, even though illness lingered and another vocal take was promised but never demanded by Larkin, who felt the first was flawless.
This striking ballad didn’t just climb the charts, it soared to #1 on Billboard’s country singles on November 26, 1983. Marking Conley’s fourth of eighteen career chart-toppers, it also formed part of an extraordinary sequence of sixteen consecutive number one hits — a streak tying Sonny James’ record and trailing only behind Alabama’s record-breaking twenty-one.
The song’s impact transcended commercial success. With the Nashville Songwriters Association crowning it “Song of the Year,” both Aldridge and Brasfield gained striking recognition from the music world. Its raw, emotional lyrics — describing the toughest choices in love, captured in lines like “The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do / Is holding her, and loving you” — echo the profound human conflicts that resonate across generations.
In the twilight of the day, for listeners over 50 and seniors alike, the evocative narrative of “Holding Her And Loving You” doesn’t merely entertain — it exhorts them to revisit their own memories and emotions, stirring a potent mix of nostalgia and empathy. The song remains a timeless anthem about the paradox of love, sacrifice, and the painful truths we sometimes carry deep within.
As Conley’s haunting voice delivers this fragile confession, one wonders about the countless untold stories of love holding and letting go, making “Holding Her And Loving You” a flawless gem amid country music’s rich tapestry.
